Saturday, May 13, 2006
A Mother's 10 Commandments
1. I am thy mother—thou shalt call no other woman "mother" or "mom" besides me.
2. Thou shalt not bring unto me anything in heaven above, or on the earth beneath or the waters below in the form of a thing that wriggles, crawls or slithers for they are an abomination unto me. Thou shalt not keep them in thy room nor loose them in thy house or else I will punish thy girlfriends and children with embarrassing tales and pictures of thy nakedness.
3. Thou shalt not take the name of thy mother in vain by using it as a complaint or any obscenity or in any distasteful humor but shall speak of me and to me respectfully.
4. Remember my need for Sabbaths by keeping thy room clean and they bed made and thy clothes from being made unclean. For in 18 hours did I labor to give thee birth, therefore I still need a rest.
5. Honor thy mother—thou shalt answer me when I call regardless of what you are doing or watching or playing and shalt do so before I use thy middle name.
6. Thou shalt not murder thy sisters dolls nor destroy thy toys, nor break my favorite things around the house for that shall cause both of us pain, moreso thee.
7. Thou shalt not shoot thy brother or sister with any object, nor throw objects in thy house that can break things or make a mess for me to clean up.
8. Thou daughter shalt not steal my clothes, shoes, makeup or purse. Thou son shalt not steal my car keys. Nor shall either of you take thy siblings food, toys, or money.
9. Thou shalt not bear false testimony before me for I will know when thou art lying and thy punishment shall be greater.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy friends’ moms by saying something like—“Billy’s mom lets him go, or do it, or eat it.” for I shalt be less inclined to hear and allow thy request.