Feeling Like Peter - Movie Review of Prince Caspian

Originally Written 7/2009


I’m beginning to feel a lot like Peter. And I’m not talking about Peter, the Apostle.

I’m talking about Peter in the movie Prince Caspian.

I never did a review of the movie so much of that will be covered here. Overall, I liked the movie, though the moral was not as clear as in The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. I know that many people did not like the movie, particularly for its focus on fighting and its portrayal of Peter.

I really like the portrayal of Peter for several reasons. In the book, the Pevensie children transition back and forth from Narnia without much emotional exploration. Given that Lewis was writing children’s stories, it’s not surprising nor is it a failure that he does not go into this emotional depth. As an adult reading the story, however, it always felt lacking. What reason could there be for the older children not seeing Aslan when Lucy did? How do you go from a 30+ year old High King to a nobody teenager again, man that’s gotta be tough.

In the movie, this is explored, especially in Peter’s character. Starting out, he is angry, even bitter towards Aslan because he does not understand what Aslan is doing. “It’s been nearly a year…” complains Peter as he wonders why they haven’t been taken back into Narnia. He preferred Narnia to this world, preferred being King. He resented being thrust back into a boy’s role with no power or influence.

In many ways, he believed it was a mistake that they ever stumbled out of Narnia. But for reasons he didn’t understand, Aslan had not fixed the problem. A year later, Peter is confused and angry, hence his willingness to fight anyone. Susan had seen it all before and Edmond was instantly in support of his brother.

Back in Narnia, Peter is back in his element. Immediately he resorts to his command authority and it often conflicts with Caspian’s leadership. But something is different—he’s not all that interested in Aslan—he is fighting to restore what he sees as his kingdom—early on, Peter fights only “for Narnia”. You hear his battle cries during the castle onslaught. He’s trying to “do it on his own”, something which the White Witch tempts him with later on after his failure—“you know you can’t do this on your own.”

I believe Peter doesn’t see Aslan when Lucy does because—one, he is angry and resentful towards him, and two, he no longer trusts Aslan nor relies on him—Peter’s reassertion of command authority brings with it an “I can only depend on myself”. Because Peter didn’t understand Aslan, he stopped looking for him—stopped waiting for him. Despite his experience with Aslan, Peter lives and acts much more like Trumpkin, who doesn’t believe in Alsan at all—Peter has become a functional atheist.

Peter’s situation influenced those around him who followed his lead. Edmond didn’t see Aslan in part b/c he was taking his cues from Peter and falling back into that role. Susan didn’t see Aslan in part b/c she really didn’t want to be there at all. At the end of the Narnia stories, she is the only one who doesn’t come back b/c she is no longer a ‘friend of Narnia”.

Peter even influences Lucy, who did see Aslan—she follows Peter anyway—in this way, the blind was leading the seeing. Lucy still had a childlike faith and a love for Aslan—but she let the pressures of others stop her from going to him. This is something that Aslan mildly rebukes her for when he says, “and why did that stop you from coming to me”, after Lucy had said the others didn’t believe her.

Peter is like many Christians. Time elapses in our walk with Jesus and we forget. We build up certain expectations of what we think God is doing or should do—we assume we know His will—and then it doesn’t happen like we think it should. Prayers seem unanswered—we step out on faith and it feels like God isn’t holding up His side of the venture. And so we get frustrated, confused, resentful and sometimes angry. We’re tempted to lose hope, we’re tempted to become functional atheists who try to do it all on their own strength. We pray less often, we read the Word less and don’t get as much out of times of fellowship and worship. It saps the strength out of us. Our spiritual vitality drains away.

This is why, in many ways, I feel like Peter. Last year, about this time, my family and I stepped out on faith, jumped off the high dive, in stepping down from my pastoral position in Macomb, IL. We didn’t have a position already lined up, we didn’t know where we were going. We believed God would provide. Provide a short-term job; provide a buyer for our house, provide a new pastoral position.

Early on, it looked like God would do it all. I got a temp. job for $10/hour that very week. We had some early showings of the house. Our search was up and rolling. We thought we knew the will of God and were seeing it played out. Then, things began to change—He wasn’t working on our timetable anymore. I was laid off from that job on Dec. 23rd and couldn’t find another one until March. The house has yet to sell and has become like a rope holding us back. We feel led into church planting and He gave us a location and a vision but there have been delays and frustrations.

I still believe we correctly discerned God’s will in stepping down from my pastoral position. But now we are asking the questions… “how long Lord?” When will these steps of faith we’ve taken come to pass? For me, like Peter, “It’s been a year” how long are we going to have to wait? Have we missed something in His will? Are we not listening?

I honestly don’t have an easy answer for this type of question.

Unfortunately we are strained, emotionally, spiritually, physically. My current job is overnights at Wal-Mart. While I am thankful to have it, it doesn’t come near to supporting our family, especially with the house payment. If not for the love and generosity of family and a good couple of friends, we would not be making it.

God may very well use the Wal-Mart position as a blessing as I should be able to transfer up to a local store in Shorewood. However, the longer it takes, the less likely as they are in a hiring crunch. We are now trying to sell our house “By Owner” and we’ve dropped our price. Hopefully it will move soon.

It’s hard not to get frustrated. It’s hard to keep the lines of communication open when you begin to sound more like a complaining record that keeps skipping back over the same material over and over again.

But here is where I believe faith is proved genuine. When you don’t know. When you don’t have all the answers. When things are not easy. The light shines in and through the darkness. His word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. In times like this, He is more like a flashlight than the sun. He is lighting the next step or two ahead, not a mile ahead. We may see the destination or the horizon, but not all the twists, turns and valleys in between. We must walk with Him and trust Him. We must yearn and seek after Him in spite of the uncertainties. And be honest with Him about what you’re thinking and feeling (He knows it anyway). But trust Him anyway—trust what He has shown you and who He is and keep walking.

To quote Caedmon’s Call—we have to realize that when we are down in the valley and the flood of God’s grace and presence comes, it’s the valleys that fill first.



Update: 3/18/11

Wow, I never finished this or posted it that I can find. It’s been almost two years and things have not resolved. The house never sold in our possession. We moved onsite to Shorewood, IL to plant The Pursuit. A month later our funding was pulled. A month after that, we had to move to Murray, KY with family where we’ve been for over a year.

Jobs have been hard to find. The first job I found was serving at a brand new restaurant—wasn’t making much money… and then it burned to the ground not even 6 months into its opening. I have been recently hired on permanently at Collegebookrenter.com doing customer service. This has proven a great blessing.

My search for a new Ministry position has also proven challenging. I’ve made it to several churches’ last cut, but never been the one called. Many times the enemy likes to use that against me and my confidence.

Not even supply preaching is happening like I thought it would. Last fall, my wife and I took on the college ministry at our church, using our church plant material to provide some identity.

In any event, it’s been almost 3 years since my family and I stepped out on faith and very little has gone “according to plan”. There are days I feel more like Peter than ever. But there are many others in which I am compelled to trust and wait that His plans have always been better than mine and that there are things I must be faithful at doing in the meantime.

I have certainly had opportunities for the Kingdom of God that I never would have had if things worked out my way. I’ve met and hopefully influenced people in a way that honors my Savior.

I have had the opportunity to do some writing that I have been led to do but never had the time to do. I’ve made good progress into a book on the life of Jacob.

I’m reminded reading this again—Who’s Kingdom am I fighting for? Mine or His?

Have I been acting like a Functional Atheist trying to do everything by my own strength, power and wits?

Is my confusion and struggle in this walk steadfast through the struggle? Am I leading my family accordingly, my wife and kids, to see God as Lucy did even in the midst of the uncertainty?



Lord, I want to confess my confusion. My expectations have not been met because my understanding of You is too small and limited.

I know You are here with me wherever I go for You have promised never to leave or forsake me.

I call out to You for resolution, a light for my path. Help me be faithful wherever the path goes. Help me discern Your voice and leading. Help me depend on You and not my own strength or wisdom.

Help me to be a light especially to my family. I pray that my wife is not discouraged. I pray my children do not lose heart because of our uncertainty. I pray this experience strengthens their ability to trust You even when nothing makes sense. Even when things don’t “work out” when we’re trying to be faithful.

Help me not to relate to You with the attitude, “I’ll do this for You so You will do this for me.”

You are my portion and great reward—if I have nothing else but You, I have all I will ever need.

Help me to live this way every day—drive away despair from me. Give me a renewed hope and strength.

Thank you for sustaining me in all this experience.

Help me be more like Peter from the Bible. Help me be like Peter from the movie in that I have courage to fight and trust in Your deliverance.

May You be exalted.

Story of Love

Peter and his wife Jesse were walking up the walkway to a large house full of people. Music could be heard from the street and every light was on. The party looked well on its way.

Despite trying to look her best and wearing her nicest blue dress, Jesse was still nervous.

“Are you sure you want to go to this thing?” she asked.

“Hon,” he said, “the boss throws this party every year. It’s about time we went. Besides, they’ve never met you and some of the guys are starting to think I’ve just made you up.”

“OK, just remember I don’t know them either, so don’t you leave me.”

“Don’t worry,” Peter said reassuringly as he took her hand. “I love you and I won’t leave your side. Even if Conan the Barbarian asks if he can dance with you, I’ll whip him,” he said with a wink.

She laughed as they walked up the steps to the front door and let him know that fighting wouldn’t be necessary. “Besides, what would the boss think?”

“What if it is the boss?” he said in shock. She laughed again; he could always make her laugh.

“Stop making me laugh, you know I need to go to the bathroom when we get in there.”

The front door was opened by Peter’s co-worker, Steve and the two of them were quickly surrounded by the ongoing festivities.

“Hon, the bathroom’s over there. I’ll get us something to drink out by the pool.”

Peter goes and gets something to drink over at the punchbowl in the backyard when suddenly a voice calls his name. “Peter! Glad you could make it,” said his boss.

“Walk with me a minute would you.”

“Uh, sure thing.”

A few minutes later Jesse came outside looking for Peter and she couldn’t see him. Where is he, she thought to herself. Just as she turned to look somewhere else, she slipped in her new shoes and fell. Jesse’s knee took the brunt of the fall and it started to bleed. She fought back a few tears and looked around hoping no one had noticed. She saw a few stares and glances from some of the other women at the party. As Jesse started to get up, a man stepping away from the drinks didn’t see her and bumped her so hard that she fell into the pool.

Across the way, Peter’s boss heard the ruckus and turned to see what had happened. Seeing a woman getting helped out of the pool, he turned to Peter and shook his head. “That didn’t take long… every year someone has too much to drink and falls into the pool.”

When Peter turned to look the first thing he noticed was a blue dress. “Oh no.”
“Do you recognize that woman Peter?” his boss asked.

“No sir I don’t. I have no idea who she is. Excuse me though, I need to go find my wife.”

“Oh she’s here? Well, be sure and introduce me to her later.”

“Sure thing,” Peter said hurrying away.

By the time Peter made it back around to the punch bowl, Jesse was nowhere to be found. This evening was not going like he had planned. A few high fashioned ladies had been eyeing Peter as he came up. “Are you looking for that woman who fell in the pool?”, one of them asked. “How embarrassing,” said another.

“No, no, no. What makes you think I know who that was?”

As Peter was trying to push his way through the party and into the house, all he could think of was getting away. If only we could make a quiet exit.
But before he could make it to the house, he was grabbed on the shoulder by his co-worker Steve. “Well, it looks like you won the office pool after all… literally, right Peter! This guy is a genius—first he bets that someone would fall into the pool before 9, but the really great part,” Steve said turning to more of their friends, “it was Peter’s wife who did it!” Laughter began to ring out from his friends.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Steve,” said Peter.

“Dude, I opened the door to let you in remember? I saw you with her.”

Peter turned around and put his finger into Steve’s face. “Hey look, just give me the money I won and drop it. Whoever that crazy lady was, she isn’t my wife” he said, raising his voice.

Hoping to get away from his co-workers, Peter spun around to go back to the house. Less than a step later, Peter jerked backwards to avoid running into his boss, who was helping Jesse find her husband. Jesse looked straight into Peter’s eyes and he knew she had heard every word.

Peter hurried out of the party and drove away crying.

Peter did not see Jesse for 3 days. He was too embarrassed to go home and he was convinced she had left him. I know I would, he thought to himself. I must be the worst man on the planet.

Finally, Peter got a call. He recognized Jesse’s number, but he was afraid to answer it. When the voicemail came through, Peter told Steve, “I can’t listen to it. What if she tells me it’s over? What if she never wants to see me again?”

“Let me see your phone,” said Steve. “It says that she’s home.”

Immediately Peter jumped into his car and started making his way back to their house at full speed. Running up to the door, Peter fumbled with the keys, then stopped, suddenly fearful—would she take him back? How could he know for sure. But when he arrived, she was gone again. The only thing he found was the dress Jesse was wearing hanging on the back of the couch.

“What do I do now? How can she ever trust me or love me again?”

Over the next several days, Peter and Jesse ran into each other—but usually when
other people were around. They were never alone to talk about what had happened.
Peter’s anxiety grew and grew. Over a week later, they finally had a chance to talk alone.


Questions:
How do you think that conversation went?

How would you feel if you were Jesse, hearing your husband deny he even knew you?

Do you think Jesse should “take Peter back”? Why or why not?

If she did take him back, how would you describe Jesse’s love for her husband?

What would it take for Peter to be right with Jesse again?

What kind of marriage would they have?

If you were Peter’s boss, what would you think of him after hearing this story?